I had never realised this until thinking about a recent church service and those who were there doing jobs, I like to be the boss of what I do. What I mean by that is in almost every job I have done I have always ended up working my way in to position where I was in charge of what I did and that job became mine. It wasn’t that I wanted to be in charge to boss others around, in fact I have always sought out positions where I could work alone, but those positions were always where I was in charge of what I did and it was up to me to get the job done.
Having realised this I can see through out my life time and again where this has happened from jobs where I have actually worked twice as hard to do the work of two people so that I was solely responsible to times where I have worked extra hard to get my self promoted into a position where I could work alone. And even now as I work from home I prefer working independently of others, preferring to be solely responsible for the work that I do rather than with others. Maybe this comes from a childhood where not only was I not in to playing team sports but I also had to be pretty independent, who knows. Continue reading
A carpenter set out to build a home, a real labour of love which he knew he would keep working on forever as he would be continually improving it. As he set about framing out one of the rooms he reached into his box of pegs and pulled out a square one. The thing is the hole he needed a peg for was round and whilst he knew he could force that square peg into the round hole it would not only put strain on the peg but its sharp edges would put tension on the surrounding wood frame. So he placed the peg back in the box and found one which fitted the hole perfectly. As time passed by that square peg found some of his sharp edges being transformed as he mingled with the other pegs in the box, each one with their own unique bumps and edges also being shaped by the other pegs. Then one day the carpenter found himself with need for a square peg with a few rounded off edges to fill a unique hole and he found that square peg as it now fitted the gap perfectly.
Why am I talking about square pegs and round holes, well a little while back the church I attend had a service all about doing our bit in church and joining one of the teams such as those who set up for the service or serve refreshments afterwards. And the pastor asked me if I was considering joining a team, which I was as I thought maybe being part of the host team would help me meet more people in the church, something as an introvert I have struggled with. Continue reading
Before I returned to church I asked God for a sign as to whether I should return to the church which I left as a young adult or whether I needed to move on to another church for a fresh start. I returned to the church which you could say I grew up in and it had certainly changed in those years I had been away. The pastor’s son was now senior pastor, they had not only moved to a new building but were now using a school for their Sunday service having out grown the building they built. And not only were there so many new faces but it felt like very few remained from those years when I was part of the church and everyone knew each other.
The thing is that the church was not only the thing to have changed in those years as I had certainly changed. Having battled gambling addiction, debt and ill health, which not only led to depression but it also led to me becoming even more introverted than I was as a teen Continue reading
I don’t know whether it is some thing that other Christians have discovered but I often find myself coming up with analogies for messages within the Scripture, especially those which connect with me on a deeper lesson. And this is one as “Drifting Down a River” came to me when I was reading a Christian blog post which in relation to 1 Timothy 4 the author had used the word drift. It was only a casual use of the word, there was no focus on it but it made me think back to my younger years as a Christian and gave me a picture as an analogy for it.
Imagine you are out canoeing with friends and you are drifting down a river which is littered with hazards. For a while when ever some thing would come along be it a rock or a thick patch of weed you put in the effort to navigate around it or go over it, or catch up with friends when they seem to be getting ahead. But then you start to not bother, you happily drift along looking at what is happening on the river banks and allowing the current to carry you, not putting in any effort at all until BAM Continue reading
It’s Sunday morning and I am feeling good because church starts in a couple of hours which means great worship and great preaching. Yet at the same time there is a sense of dread simmering up inside as I know I should get there early to join in the social activities before church but I never feel comfortable with making small talk. And I know after we have sung the first couple of songs we will be told to turn around and greet someone nearby, and that means more small talk. And then there is the social bit afterwards as people mill around enjoying coffee and more small talk. You see it isn’t that I am anti-social, I genuinely like people, but I am an introvert who suffers from anxiety issues, I’ve never been married, don’t have children and there are days when I get home from church exhausted by all the social interaction and small talk. To be honest there are times I get home from church feeling a little depressed because week after week I hear the call to be Christ filled evangelical Christians, go-getters for the Lord yet all I want to do in that moment is retreat, shut myself off from human contact and have some solitude. Continue reading